


Breathe

by stepantrofimovic



Series: Opera fanfic [2]
Category: La bohème - Puccini/Illica/Giacosa
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Choking, Coughing, M/M, i'm obviously processing some Current Events so please take care of your own mindspace here, seriously there are a lot of references to coughing and losing one's breath here, tuberculosis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-03
Updated: 2020-04-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 06:40:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23467039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stepantrofimovic/pseuds/stepantrofimovic
Summary: Schaunard seems to be the only one who hears the door slam over Rodolphe’s agonised screams. It takes him a beat to catch on, but as soon as he does, he rushes down the stairs in pursuit of Colline.My god, why do we have so many stairs.What must it have meant to go up those when you can’t draw air into your lungs.
Relationships: Gustavo Colline/Schaunard
Series: Opera fanfic [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1688206
Comments: 1
Kudos: 3





	Breathe

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this one sitting with me since I saw Bohème at the ROH in January. The detail about Colline rushing out and slamming the door after Mimì dies is from the ROH production; a lot of the rest is quite transparently my brain trying to cope with perpetual pandemic anxiety.

Schaunard seems to be the only one who hears the door slam over Rodolphe’s agonised screams. It takes him a beat to catch on, but as soon as he does, he rushes down the stairs in pursuit of Colline.

 _My god, why do we have so many stairs._ What must it have meant to go up those when you can’t draw air into your lungs.

He finds Colline outside, kneeling. _Please do not kneel in the snow, my love._ Colline’s shoulders are shaking, great heaving movements, and for a horrible moment Schaunard thinks he’s coughing. He’s coughing, like Mimì, and as soon as Schaunard looks him in the face he will see the blood, the mark of the death that will eat Colline from the inside out. Schaunard is sure that for that single moment, his heart has fully stopped beating.

He’s not coughing. Colline is crying, loud wracking sobs that shake him whole.

Schaunard has seen him cry before, but never like this. Tears of joy, tears of overwhelming emotion ( _love, he dares to hope_ ) after sex – none of them look like this. None of them look like Colline’s body is breaking in half with every breath.

He knows what it is, though. He may never have seen Colline like this, but he’s seen him half an hour earlier, striding through the snow with his prized coat in his arms ( _please, my love, it’s very cold_ ) in the desperate hope of finding a solution, finding anything. He needs two things, Colline – he needs to help, and he needs to be able to explain why something is happening. Neither of these is compatible with the dead woman waiting up so, so many stairs.

They’ll have to take her body out, somehow. Oh, god, Rodolphe will _break_ when they do.

It doesn’t matter, though – not when the most important man in Schaunard’s life is breaking right now, in front of him.

The street paving feels icy as he kneels next to Colline. _Dammit, love, it’s so cold._ It’s good in many ways, to be the taller one, but it’s especially good when he can envelop his love whole in a hug. Colline does what he always does: he tenses for a moment, then he goes fully limp in Schaunard’s arms. He’s still crying, and Schaunard kisses his hair, and if this of all days is the day in which someone will be walking down this one godforsaken Paris alley, well then, they can enjoy the show.

It takes all of Schaunard’s willpower not to hold Colline tighter, tighter, tight enough to hurt. _It’s okay._ “It’s okay, it’s okay, love. Cry. I’m here.”

He barely realises he’s speaking until Colline replies. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I thought – I thought I could help, I” – great gasps for air, _please, my love, breathe, you’re scaring me_ , but Schaunard doesn’t say that, because he can be scared when he knows it’s not true – and then, “I love you, I love you.”

Colline has never. Has never _said_.

This feels like such a stupid thing to feel joy about, but Schaunard’s chest is filled with it. And anger, and grief – because this is happening _now_ , and he knows it’s going to happen again, because Colline means it, and once your world has been torn open by this specific kind of impossible thing, seeing someone you care about losing his entire world, then the words are there to stay.

“I love you very much. Breathe with me.”

**Author's Note:**

> [This is the coat aria](https://open.spotify.com/track/7bYvoTkffM8RFN54pfI80o?si=IUbKqAipR5WZmTlOatU-Kw), for those who'd like a listen.


End file.
